All posts filed under: Whimsy

For the love of whimsy.

That Time I Went On A “Blind Date”

Early 2011, one of my aunts (not so much aunt, as friend of an aunt but everyone is an aunt) called me to find out how I was doing and what my romantic prospects looked like. At the time, said prospects were zero. I was 22, right smack in the middle of youth service and obsessing with what my future would be. I was neck-deep in applications for Masters programs, scholarships, writing residencies. I had a crush or two and the feeling might’ve been mutual but I was more concerned with becoming an independent adult. To Auntie, however, I simply remarked, “No.” She’d found someone for me, she said. A relative of her husband. Let’s call him Julius because I can’t remember his name. He was “eligible”, meaning he had a job and she thought we’d be a good fit. She suggested I attend a wedding the following weekend so she could introduce us. “I can’t come, I have other plans with my Dad.” Okay, she said. Why didn’t I come over to her house the …

28.

I turned 28 two months ago. Usually, I’d write a blogpost to commemorate but I wasn’t in the right place mentally at the time.  I am now. What does 28 mean to me? It’s a question I’ve struggled with but also a question that’s very easy. 28 is familiar, like an old sweater. Like I’ve spent all my life waiting to be 28. Like I was born to be 28. I’ve never felt this way about any other age. Does this make sense? Physical identity meant a great deal to me when I was 28 years old. I had almost the same kind of relationship with my mirror that many of my contemporaries had with their analysts. Don DeLillo, Americana 28 is… The age of  “unlearning”.  The age of courage. Of being able to unpack the baggage, the myths, the cliches, the “home training”. They were useful…once. When we were younger and life was easier with a playbook, a rulebook. But life’s so much complicated. And it’s so much work to be likable. And how …

The Art of Balance: Creativity and Your Day-Job

My friend, Ozoz, is a phenomenon. She’s a geologist, a blogger, a recipe creator, a “traveller by plate”, a photographer and a cook. She’s also a mom. She’s  given a TedTalk, appeared on TV a few times, held a photography exhibition and recently collaborated on #TechmeetsArtng. I, on the other hand, struggle with staying awake long enough to update my blog. Forget work-life balance. I’m not even sure what that is. I think about this often: how to balance my day-job with my creative life, my social obligations, my family life, my spiritual life …and a need to sleep. Sleep is winning, I must admit. Someone commented once that she’s not sure how I do everything. The truth is, I don’t. Some days, I should be writing and I just want to bake chocolate chip cookies instead. So I bake the cookies and eat them as I mindlessly scroll through Pinterest and Twitter. I console myself with this TedTalk by Nigel Marsh. I’ve listed it in my post on the  5 TedTalks Every Young Professional …

Eurekanaija 2015 in review

Hello, guys. So 2015 was a good year. I was genuinely and pleasantly surprised by the number of views I got. Thank you all for sharing this blog with your friends, for reading, for commenting, for liking. Thank you for all the love. I’m currently restrategizing for next year. I’m owing blog posts (I know!) and I really want to host at least one face-to-face event and proper giveaways. I’m also looking forward to doing collaborations with my favorite bloggers so look out, world! Your feedback is invaluable. I really need you to tell me what you’d like to see more of (or not!). So please, get in touch with the form here. Tell me what I should keep doing, start doing or stop doing. What would make you read this blog more? What would make you comment more? What would make you share posts from this blog with your friends? This is really important to me. In fact, it’s so important that I’m going to tie my first giveaway to this. Three people will …

The 3 Types of Morning

The Perfect Morning Wake at 4:00 am. Wash face. Study till 5:00 am. At 5:00 am Read Bible. Read Mass Readings. Meditate. At 5:30, change into sneakers and workout pants. Go for morning walk/run. At 6 am, shower. At 6:30 am, review work plan for the day. At. 6:40 am, sit down to “fit-fam” breakfast of oatmeal, boiled eggs and one slice of bread. At 7:00 am, brew first cup of coffee and start the day with morning meeting. The Imperfect Morning. Snooze alarm till 5:15 am. Wash face. Read Bible. Read mass readings. Meditate and say a vocal prayer (just in case you don’t get time to say it later.) At 5:45 change into work out clothes. Notice slight cramp in right part of abdomen. Debate the wisdom of running/walking around till it goes away. Decide to do simple, non-calorie burning stretches. At 6:00 am, check Whatsapp messages. At. 6:15, shower. At 6:50 sit down to breakfast and scoff down (fat-fam!) fried plantain and scrambled eggs to beat the 7 am deadline. Wrap a slice of …

I Will Be Young Forever

I will be young forever. We. Us. Just listen to our raucous laughter, our gist, our stories. We are forever cool, Forever 21. Does it seem possible that we won’t be young forever? That we won’t always be strong, alive, effervescent, fiery? That we won’t always be this indolent, sprawled on sofas, straddling dining chairs, peering at screens that reflect in our nerd glasses? That our bellies won’t be taut forever? How won’t we be like this forever? And we will never be bald. Our hair will never grey or fall out. Our eyes will never wrinkle, our flesh will never sag. We will be young forever. Don’t speak to me of Paradise. Don’t speak to me of hell. Don’t speak to me of purgatory. Don’t speak to me of death. This is what I know, this is how I feel. I am here and now and present and I will be young forever.

My Dirty Little Secret :)

Disclaimer: this blog is rated G. That said, here’s my secret. I’m a pretty slow learner. (Don’t tell my bosses!). S. L. O. W. I never understand anything the first time and this used to break my heart because, you know, I’m supposed to be smart. And you need to add, “I’m a fast learner” to your CV else no one will employ you. I’d go for career fairs and hear the company reps say things like, “You need to be able to think on your feet, adapt to changes, deal with uncertainty, learn fast…” And I’d think, I’m hopeless. I hate thinking on my feet, I’d rather sit and muse with a pen and paper. But this is the 21st century, with its obsession with speed, fast, now! No one has time for musing! I tried to be a fast learner and thinker. I used MindMaps and all sorts of gimmicks. Nothing. I wished I could be like my quicker-minded friends. I wanted to be a genius, effortlessly brilliant. The fear of being stupid …

Riddle

A king has 3 prisoners in his dungeon. They are to be executed but at the last moment, he has some mercy and proposes a game. He brings a bag with five tee-shirts. Each shirt is white in front, coloured behind. There are 2 shirts with red backs, and 3 shirts with blue backs. He has them all blindfolded, and then each prisoner has to pick a shirt and wear it.Still blindfolded, the king tells them that if a prisoner can correctly predict the colour on the back of the shirt he’s wearing, he will escape execution. The three men are told to stand in a straight line, one in front of the other. The first man, standing at the front of the line, can’t see either of the men behind him or their shirts. The second man, in the middle, can see only the first man and his shirt. The last man, at the rear, can see both other men and their shirts. None of the men can see the back of his own …

I'm Developing A Pot-Belly and Other Sundry Matters

And it sucks. Pun intended. Saturday, I travelled to Enugu. I’d never been there, and just the thought of the journey by road filled me with all sorts of queasiness. I imagined  armed robbers, deadly encounters with speeding trailers, flat tyres, the driver missing his way… Fortunately, things weren’t so exciting. The trip was 4 hours of unrelieved tedium I spent thinking, reading, wondering. About doing the right things versus doing what was right. About things like adulthood and responsibility and maturity. Someone once wrote that the first mark of maturity is serenity. If she’s right, then I don’t think I’ll ever be mature. I can’t be serene; I have some sort of mental Tourette’s. I fidget, and when I start talking, sometimes I can’t stop. It’s who I am. I can’t say I don’t wish I was serene. I do. But it’s not a gift the good Lord has seen fit to bless me with yet. Is adulthood something that happens to you whether or not you want it, or is it something you choose? …

To My Network Provider

Dear Network Provider, Hi. Odd, isn’t it, how my text messages bounce back but the ones that political parties send me, the ones that you send me, manage to find their way to my inbox. Odd that. Odd, isn’t it, that you advertise a certain “bundle” for a certain amount and then when I register for it, I find out that the associated data allowance has been conveniently discontinued. Odd that. Odd, isn’t it, that data-sapping Snaptu opens Facebook and Twitter effortlessly but my phone’s browser will not open Gmail or Yahoomail on pain of death. Really odd that. It’s odd that you persist in inundating me with ads that advertise all sorts of call rates to all sorts of people. And yet, I cannot find out how to set up my voicemail without navigating, in endless circles, syrupy voice prompts. Odd that. It’s odd that I spend the entire morning trying to download a 125kB document and then you have the effrontery to send me a text message that my time limit of 100 …

Open Letter To The First Lady

Auntie Patience, Good mornin’, ma. I know say you no sabi me. My name na Osemhen, and I get one business wey I wan make we discuss. D tin consan the campaign wey you dey helep our Presido, Uncle Jo and all im ‘umblerra’ friends do. Auntie, you try. Even though you no too sabi English, you dey make effort. You dey try relate wit your pipul, try console dem. But dem be ingrate! You know say for dis we kontri, pipul plenty wey get bad mouth. Na so dem go sidon, dey laff wetin you talk wen you give speech. Instead make dem understand the message wey you get for mind, dem go dey find mistake for the English. Dem laff wen you talk say Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi “is good people.” Even say the English no beta, shey dem no sabi say you been wan say Uncle Jo and Bros. Namadi na beta person? Which one come hard for dere? Abi, na the one wen you talk say “the people sitting before …

Left-Handed in Nigeria

I am left-handed. And proudly, too. People stare (admiringly, I think … I hope) when I wield my left hand. Most are surprised my hand-writing’s neat (it is!). Others expect me to write from top to bottom… A few comment, “You must be smart.” That’s the part I like best. And just to make sure it wasn’t some myth-turned-stereotype, I actually looked it up. It was a great deal of medical-ese I had to wade through but the long and short of it is that most lefties are gifted in Math and art and have terrific organizational skills. We learn easily, are generally unconventional – and okay, it must be said – mostly precocious. But do we get treated accordingly? No! Society doesn’t like lefties. It has been proved over centuries and across cultures. In French, to be left handed is to be gauche, from where we get the English word of the same spelling that means awkward or clumsy… In Italian, it is to be sinistro, from where we get the English word sinister… …

Bus Etiquette 101: How to act like an Educated and Intelligent Citizen

In these days of LAMATA and LAGBUS buses, there exists a need to clearly define personal and public boundaries. The buses aren’t public places, per se, like restaurants but neither are they private enclosures. At any one time, a bus holds on the average forty people, standing or seated quite closely together. As such, it demands different habits from the usual norm. Do I sound quite formal? Well, it’s either that or spew in tear-my-hair-out-in-frustration style. So here goes: 1. Do shower. And change your clothes. Please. It’s a public service to the rest of humanity who have to squash up against you standing in the bus. 2. Do keep to the queue. Yes, you’re faster and smarter than the rest of humanity. Yes, you have a job interview in ten minutes. But if we can’t obey a simple rule like waiting our turn, why do we expect better of our leaders? Keep to the queue. And thump on the head anyone who doesn’t! OK, don’t 🙂 3. Do smile and acknowledge with a hello anyone you …