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Dear Random-Guy-Who-Asked-If-He-Could-Share-My-Mini-Umbrella-At-The-Busstop

Dear Random-Guy-Who-Asked-If-He-Could-Share-My-Mini-Umbrella-At-The-Busstop,

I don’t judge you for not having your own umbrella. I don’t even hesitate when you ask if you can share mine, despite seeing how small it is, and how it really is only meant to shelter one small person from the rain. Me. I don’t complain that I have to raise it really high now, to accommodate your hulk, or that my genuine L. Credi bag is now getting wet. I don’t complain because I’m only doing the Christian thing by sharing. There is love in sharing etc. etc. etc.

However, you stretch my charity Β by presuming that because I’m sharing my umbrella, then I am open to conversation. Please understand. Do not feel obliged to fill the silence. It may not be companionable, but it is certainly not awkward. I was lost in my thoughts before you came along, I will continue to be lost in my thoughts. Your attempts at conversation are, at best, distractions. At worst, annoying.

“It’s like you’re not in a good mood,” you say after giving me the elevator pitch of your lifeΒ  history. I am glad that you have managed to correctly interpret my monosyllabic answers/utter silence. However, you ruin this by adding, “When can we see again?”

What? What?!

Believe me, I can imagine how hard it is, as a guy, to work up the nerve to strike up conversation with a total stranger. I understand that you want to maximize the returns on this risk for what it’s worth. But after correctly deducing that I amn’t in a friendly mood, why do you now assume that I will give you my number/address/BB pin?

“I only want to be your friend…”

“I just saw you and liked you…”

“You never know when next we’ll see…”

“Can you hear me?…”

Because I really don’t like to be rude, I explain in a firm, I-brook-no-further-argument tone why I will not give you my number/BB pin/address. I ask that you not take it personal, that it is only a principle I live by.

But you don’t listen. You start to croon, ” Baby, please. Come on, don’t be like this.” It is at this point I start to beat you with my umbrella…

60 Comments

  1. Nnaemeka says

    Er…who is L. Credi?? LOL!

    I missed your posts. This is good. I do think you should’ve known he was a klutz when he didn’t offer to hold up the umbrella so you wouldn’t need to super-elongate your arm. That’s what super-smooth gentlemen like me do. πŸ™‚

    • Hmph. Uncultured, young man. L. Credi is an Italian bag maker *tosses curls*. Lol.
      Don’t mind him! I trust you, Suave Inc.

  2. A.fay says

    This is sooo hilarious and might I say you speak for me and a million other girls out there. Thank you very much. Loool.

  3. Hahahahahhahaha!!! After one too many episodes like the one you have so aptly described…I have decided to play the “earphones in my ear” “can’t hear you gal”…..okay not very nice but very peaceful….lol

  4. highlandblue says

    Lol @ the last line. Come on! You need to do one post on the guy who shared his umbrella with you. Or the one who gave you a lift in the rain. 😐

  5. Sir Farouk says

    Chai as we used to say “ela odukon” lol. Poor fellow and poor you for experiencing the persistent naija man

  6. If we do not strike up conversations with total strangers how are we supposed to make new friends?

    Don’t get the wrong idea though: that guy is dumb because of his manner of approach πŸ˜‰

    #justthinkingoutloud

    • Lol. I know this is how we make friends. But it was late evening, and I was freaked out. And his approach sucked. Plus, a gentleman always respects a lady’s wishes. πŸ˜‰

  7. @Wumie says

    Haha! My Days!!!
    “It is at this point I start to beat you with my umbrella”
    LMFAO…Lovely!

  8. Oladimeji Oyebanji says

    Generally, i think ladies should try to ALWAYS say what they mean. Many guys believe d ‘hard to get’ game. I have heard many stories and got a personal experience.
    I can remember it took me 10 months to get her to say YES. Thanks to a friend who told me not to give up after d very first attempt!
    Nice piece and keep it up…

  9. Hilarious! Enjoyed reading this and loved the ending: “But you don’t listen. You start to croon, ” Baby, please. Come on, don’t be like this.” It is at this point I start to beat you with my umbrella…”
    I bet he didn’t give up and took your “charitable” beating as a sign of true love!

  10. Reblogged this on livelytwist and commented:
    Because you enjoyed my, I am Not Looking For Love, I am Going to Work, post, and because guys aren’t hitting on me everyday (it’s true!), I know you’ll enjoy eurekanaija!’s post as much as I did. We’re doing life together, so I couldn’t bear to laugh alone…

  11. Abi says

    Gee! You sure know how to make the mundane epic. I want to write like you when I grow up πŸ™‚

  12. I’m still laughing (with my colleague giving me corner bad eye). This is hilarious. Over zealous guy, forming romantic. Don’t blame him completely sha. Maybe you resembled his missing rib…lol

  13. You’re crazy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Of course, I mean that in a totally respectful I-know-how-you-feel/felt kind of way.

    Thank you for giving me chuckles. And thank you; to Mrs. Beautiful Livelytwist for sharing.

  14. Hahaha…Hilarity!!!..Thanks to Lively Twist’s kind-hearted reblog….way funnier comments sef..
    Beats me why people don’t appreciate the beautiful art of silence nor respect people’s privacy/thoughts ……

    P.s; Have you heard the smart comeback to,”There’s love in sharing”? …its “There’s peace in having your own”…lol
    This comment never happened….

    Great read and laugh too…*Thumbs up!

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  17. onyee says

    β€œI only want to be your friend…”

    β€œI just saw you and liked you…”

    β€œYou never know when next we’ll see..”

    Lol. very popular lines. Do they all memorize this? beginning to sound like a song our smfin. Lollll. niece piece Oseme

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