You make it seem all glamorous.
It being “working motherhood”. I was chatting with one of my friends and we were discussing my prayer intentions. I admitted being overwhelmed by my life and asking for God’s help with work-life balance. And she said, “You make it seem all glamorous but I’m sure it has its iffy spots.”
“Iffy spots”? Understatement.
Parenting. Drool. Dirty, drooping diapers. Reading said diaper contents like they’re tea leaves, foretelling your child’s health. Why so orange? Right, he ate carrots last night. What’s that?? Is that an almond? Oh, Lord. Half-eaten bowls of oatmeal on the kitchen counter. Torn classics because the kid likes my books better than his. Nonsensical nursery rhymes I’d never heard before 2016. Daddy finger, daddy finger, where are you? Toddlers that tumble off beds. A subscription to Baby Centre. Hospital emergency room at 6 am on Saturday morning because the child ran an overnight fever so severe he glowed bright red. Motherhood. Forgetting your laptop at home but arriving work with your milk pump bag. Because…priorities.
Work. My mentor says to do what I must now, so I can do what I want later. And it is hard. It is excel sheets and Powerpoint slides and endless meetings. It is open-cubicle offices and your neighbour eating fried fish in his cubicle. It’s passive-aggressiveness, it’s conflict, it’s competition, it’s conflicting feedback. It’s a workload that overwhelms you with its mind-numbingness. It’s struggling to find your passion in all of it, in fighting to remember the graduate trainee you were with your naiveté, and your confidence, and your unshakeable optimism.
Life. It is making decisions on restaurants to go to based on child-friendliness. Do they have high chairs? Do they have changing tables in the restroom? It is cajoling younger siblings and cousins to babysit the kid for one hour, two hours, a week, so you can attend that concert, see that movie, have that “adults-only” dinner with your mates. It is going through old vacation pictures and reminiscing. Exactly how/when am I ever going to go to Rome again and wander for 6 hours in the Vatican museum? Will I ever go on that girls’ only vacation with my university friends? Will our lives, so busy these days, ever synchronize again?
But would I do it again? Yes. Because I believe in Life teaching lessons and if it isn’t hard, then I am not learning. And I believe in myself and that I will eventually figure out everything that makes me restless and stressed. And recognizing that I (and others) have underestimated/misunderstood me many times before. This too shall pass.
But most importantly, I would do it again because of love. And it is a lot of sacrifices we have to make when we marry, and have families, so I would only advise this. Don’t make that commitment to someone you don’t love. Love is what makes it all worth it. Love is why you can be happy even when you’re thinking, “Gosh, I’m bungling this parenting thing. This kid has eaten rice three times in a row.” Love is the “glamour”, the sheen on the whole thing, the laughter, the smiles.
But till love and little humans come your way with their demands on your time, enjoy your glamorous, gloriously uncomplicated life.
p.s. If you really connect with these struggles, a couple of us are over at blazersandbaby.com sharing ideas on how to keep sanity and balance in this whirlwind life we’ve chosen. Stop over, some time 🙂