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I Was Going To Write A Story (Really!)

So I plugged in  my trusty Azure (she’s a solid black HP, not blue like her name says), booted her up and opened a new page in MS Word.

My story was quite a simple one. A love story. A heroine. A hero. Boy meets girl. Crisis. Attraction. Love. Marriage. The End. Your typical M&B. Only Nigerian.

My heroine was called Edel. Short for Edelokun. Edelokun means The river can’t ever be greater than the sea. A typical Ishan name. Wantonly boastful. I liked the name Edel, still do. It sounds exotic, doesn’t it? I mean, a girl called Edel, what would she look like? You see?

Edel, however, did not like her name.

“It sounds French, Osemhen. I prefer Elokun. It’s a more appropriate name for a proud, black, African woman.”

And just like that she went from being a slightly light-skinned, tall, slim, size 6 chick with a fantastic Brazilian weave to being the colour of burnt sugar, with a size 14 figure and a full head of beaded dreadlocks tied up in a yellow turban. Her clothes changed from jeans and a deep green satin blouse to an adire jumpsuit.  She looked herself in the mirror and cussed.

“I’m pretty!”

“Yes?” I replied. I might’ve been irritated. “Is there a problem?”

“No man will take me seriously with a pretty face! I’ll be Hey, Pretty! Everyone will assume I slept my way to success and that I’m a brainless bimbo!”

“Okay…so you’d like…”

“To be not so pretty.”

So I flattened her nose, and thickened her lips and broadened her forehead. I left her dimples though. Couldn’t find it in me to let those go. She was happy enough with the result.

“Now, I’d like an aura of mystery.”

So I wrote, Elokun had an aura of mystery.


“What, Elokun?”

“You can’t write it like that now. What sort of writer are you? You’re telling too much! You should SHOW. Show not tell, remember?”

I was losing my patience. “Hey! I’m the creator here…Your god….”


“Whatever! The point is I make the rules. I’m the writer here…”

“Well then, what am I?”

“The character!”

“No, I mean, what do I do for a living?”

“Well..before, when you were Edel, you were a kindergarten teacher who modeled on the side. Now…” I glanced pointedly at her hairy legs and unpainted toenails.

“I’d like to be a painter. Of pictures. Not houses.”

“Okay.” That was the excuse for the crazy hair and clothes then. She was “bohemian.”

“And I still want my aura of mystery.”

“A haunted house? A cat? A pet boa constrictor?”

“A dark light in my eyes that winks in and out, hiding the many secrets of my unhappy childhood…”

“There is nothing like a dark light, Edel and you had a happy, suburban childhood, singularly characterized by boredom.”

“Tragic childhood,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “I’d also like an enigmatic smile to play on my lips from time to time. And my name is Elokun.”

She looked over my shoulder as I typed, Elokun’s dark  eyes had a mysterious light, as mysterious as the half smile that curled her lips from time to time. This was Timi’s first impression of her.

“Who’s Timi?”

“Your love interest.”

“Why is his name Timi?”

To Be Continued.


  1. lmao…Osemhen…I guess I have an idea of the voices in your head…you’re not well…but I guess that’s nothing new…
    gud stuff girl…I’m looking forward to the sequel…oh n I think I prefer Elokun to Edel…*sips shilled Zobo Classic*

  2. victor paul says

    Please go on!
    Guys have cursed me for leaving my fb notes hanging…. Hmmm, I feel compelled to curse you too. 🙂
    This was such an interesting read. Three mins well spent. Good work, Osemhen!

  3. Nosey, aren’t we, Elokun? I thought she was going to have the inevitable crisis of the sentient fictional character. “You….mean..I-I_I’m not r-real?”. No buddy, not a chance..Just a figment. Ouch! She’s taking it quite well, I daresay. 😀

    The wonderful Osemhen style again. Very compelling concept.

    • Yeah, she’s well behaved. Not like E.M. Forster’s. He once said that his characters refused to get on that ship to India! haha!

      Thank you, Tolu.

  4. olisama says

    *standing ovation* impressed again and i like the multiple personality style in which this piece was written….. accolades

    • no, it’s not. i really should write something for the Ankara series but I’ve been uber-lazy. Undisciplined….*smh*

  5. Nice work Osemhen. Thoroughly enjoyed reading this piece.Hope you and that assertive character reach a compromise.

  6. Chioma…. yeah. we hope so, otherwise we’ll be expecting a work that runs to season 20. Brilliant work dear aburo.

  7. Ogotiele says

    Jesus christ! You’ll blow one away o. And you said you learnt nothing from Kurt Vonnegut, you liar!!!!!

  8. This is really lovely. I hope u don’t have to do something drastic to keep her quiet. 😉

  9. Hot-Angel says

    This is interesting! Slowly growing on me Missy. I am liking!

  10. Really this is so so funny…Oh my God. Next time you meet Edel, shout at her and say,” Hi pretty, in the country of a story, the writer is king.” All the same it’s a great piece.

  11. Annie says

    ……..and dis is hw it actually plays in d head lol, lovely piece and well written

  12. this is…..i don’t know….interesting doesn’t seem to do it justice….well that should suffice

  13. Elaine says

    I haven’t read any character-creator dialogue style stuff before, all my un-learned self’s fault-so I found this completely novel, and lots of fun. I also haven’t ever visited your blog Osemhen, *gasp* I know… I’m subscribing to it now!

  14. Wow! Now this was totally utterly fabulous. You rock girl, see? That is all we ask
    To get a glimpse
    Of pieces like these
    and bask
    In the hope
    of being
    Next time.

  15. This writer-character dialogue reminds me of what goes on in my head when I am searching for an image on the streets for my character. Lol. Well done dear. The originality is prob. Why u were picked for the workshop.

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