And it sucks. Pun intended.
Saturday, I travelled to Enugu. I’d never been there, and just the thought of the journey by road filled me with all sorts of queasiness. I imagined armed robbers, deadly encounters with speeding trailers, flat tyres, the driver missing his way… Fortunately, things weren’t so exciting. The trip was 4 hours of unrelieved tedium I spent thinking, reading, wondering.
About doing the right things versus doing what was right. About things like adulthood and responsibility and maturity. Someone once wrote that the first mark of maturity is serenity. If she’s right, then I don’t think I’ll ever be mature. I can’t be serene; I have some sort of mental Tourette’s. I fidget, and when I start talking, sometimes I can’t stop. It’s who I am. I can’t say I don’t wish I was serene. I do. But it’s not a gift the good Lord has seen fit to bless me with yet. Is adulthood something that happens to you whether or not you want it, or is it something you choose? Do you wake up one day and say Okay, I’m an adult from today. I’ve got to act like one.? And if you act something for long enough, does it become reality?
What’s real sef, what’s not? What’s important, what’s not?
My day job asks a lot of me; physically and mentally. I have tried to respond accordingly, but so much more has suffered. My blog, for one. My writing. My still-in-infancy social life in this new environment. My interior life (spiritual). My washboard abs! 😀 I can swear that I’m developing what could turn into a paunch if left unattended.
One of the good things about studying Engineering is that you get a lot of practice solving for ‘x’, an unknown but desired quantity. All of that thinking plus timely advice from good friends, and I have a sort of solution pack, not exhaustive but definitely a first step towards inner coherence.
- Start to think of writing/socializing/prayer/personal health not as luxuries but as priorities.
- Forget multi-tasking, and focus on doing one thing at a time and doing it well.
- Manage time better.
I deactivated my Twitter account. I found out that on the days I tweeted a lot, I wrote a lot less in my diary. I don’t think that’s healthy so I’m now on a Twitter hiatus, sort of. It was fun while it lasted, and I have a feeling I’ll go back later but for the next few months, I intend to dedicate all my wisecracks, wit, sheer brilliance 😀 to my diary and my blog. Yay?
This year, I want to try something new with eurekanaija. The idea is still kicking around in my head but I think you’ll like it. Will keep you updated as it progresses.
Did you miss me?