But I got bored with Excel sheets, and VLOOKUP and Pivot tables so I decided to doodle instead. And I wrote this. Hope it relieves the doldrums of your Monday like it did mine.
Her: I have a date tomorrow.
Him: Do you now?
Him: Is he tall, dark and handsome?
Him: Is he rich?
Her: Stinking rich.
Him: He’s going to use you and dump you.
Her: How do you know that?
Him: Because guys like him don’t date girls like you with your Erykah Badu hair and your weird political ideas.
Her: I do not have weird political ideas.
Him: You think Mandela was a communist!
Her: But he was.
Him: Tall, dark and handsome men don’t become rich holding opinions like that. You aren’t suited for each other. It’ll be all over in a week.
Her: You’re just jealous.
Him: Of course I am. How can you go on a date with a tall, dark, handsome and rich fella? What if he steals you away from me?
Her: Then we weren’t meant to be.
Him: I thought I was your one true love.
Her: You are…for now.
Him: Wicked woman. (absently changes TV channel) You are absolutely wicked.
Her: Desperately wicked, you mean. The heart of man is desperately wicked.
Him: Now you quote scripture. The heart of man is desperately wicked. The heart of woman is absolutely wicked.
Her: I love you, Boo.
Him: I love you too. Don’t go on this date.
Her: But he’s everything a woman could hope for.
Him: Okay. I hope he spills wine on your dress, and your heel breaks and you get spinach stuck between your teeth.
Her: You are pure evil, you know that right?
Him: Only when I’m jealous.
Her: You know what you should do? You should find someone to go on a date with. Someone who is everything a man could hope for.
Him: But girls like that only like rich men. I have no money…maybe I should borrow some from your date?
Her: We’ll ask him tomorrow.