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Conversations With a Gold Digger

But I got bored with Excel sheets, and VLOOKUP and Pivot tables so I decided to doodle instead. And I wrote this. Hope it relieves the doldrums of your Monday like it did mine.

Her: I have a date tomorrow.

Him: Do you now?

Her: Yup!

Him: Is he tall, dark and handsome?

Her: Yup!

Him: Is he rich?

Her: Stinking rich.

Him: He’s going to use you and dump you.

Her: How do you know that?

Him: Because guys like him don’t date girls like you with your Erykah Badu hair and your weird political ideas.

Her: I do not have weird political ideas.

Him: You think Mandela was a communist!

Her: But he was.

Him: Tall, dark and handsome men don’t become rich holding opinions like that. You aren’t suited for each other. It’ll be all over in a week.

Her: You’re just jealous.

Him: Of course I am. How can you go on a date with a tall, dark, handsome and rich fella? What if he steals you away from me?

Her: Then we weren’t meant to be.

Him: I thought I was your one true love.

Her: You are…for now.

Him: Wicked woman. (absently changes TV channel) You are absolutely wicked.

Her: Desperately wicked, you mean. The heart of man is desperately wicked.

Him: Now you quote scripture. The heart of man is desperately wicked. The heart of woman is absolutely wicked.

Her: I love you, Boo.

Him: I love you too. Don’t go on this date.

Her: But he’s everything a woman could hope for.

Him: Okay. I hope he spills wine on your dress, and your heel breaks and you get spinach stuck between your teeth.

Her: You are pure evil, you know that right?

Him: Only when I’m jealous.

Her: You know what you should do? You should find someone to go on a date with. Someone who is everything a man could hope for.

Him: But girls like that only like rich men. I have no money…maybe I should borrow some from your date?

Her: We’ll ask him tomorrow.


    • But do you think either of them would really go out on a date with anyone else? Lol. I like to think it’s just banter, that she isn’t really going to go on the date.

  1. Osemhen, I don’t know o! This one that he wants to borrow money from her date . . . reminds me of the Demi Moore/Woody Harrelson movie, Indecent Proposal, somewhat. Yes the situation is different, but at the end of the day, it’s two broke sweethearts and a rich man 🙂

    Get “bored” often, I’ve missed reading your stuff.

    • Ah. I must see that movie. 🙂 Lol. I’ve missed writing on the blog too. I’m writing quite a bit offline.

  2. Chioma says

    Interesting characters, they understand each other so well, nice write up osemhen

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